Thursday, February 05, 2009


Normally I don't rework a given paragraph this many times, but that one bugged me. So, cut out some of the commentary.

She did not look like a threat. She looked the opposite of a threat. Her jacket was a white, puffy, synthetic shell. A pleated skirt peeked out below the jacket and ended high above her knees. Black tights below that, and slightly over-large boots lined with fake fur. She didn't look threatening, she looked young, cute, almost sweet, except for the knowing sharpness of her eyes. The guard wasn't looking at her eyes.

A little tighter, I think.

And yes, I am also procrastinating, a bit stalled as I try to figure out what to do with (or have happen to) some characters who should not just be sitting around (they wouldn't stand for it).

No comments: